But Some Are Just Black Holes

some people are gifted. as for myself? i'd call it challenged.

i'm lacking in my creativity
and going through a loss of originality
been writing about love since before i was born
the fantasy romance died five years ago
all that's left is a corpse and an unfinished tombstone.

that pretty much describes my creative lifestyle right now. notice how the song is unfinished? no chorus, no melody, no chord progression. yeah, there never will be any of that at the rate i'm going. every time i get a good idea, it floats out of my head just as fast, if not faster than it came in. it's like i'm stuck on the dock waiting the boat to come back and by the time i shake off the disconnected memories and really settle in, the boat has sailed away. again. it happens every single time. is there something wrong with me? why can't i ever finish something?
it pretty much kills me, because i could deffinately be a really amazing musician if i could just finish one litte song.

Am I Right Side Up Or Upside Down?

do you ever feel like life's taking some crazy turns? do you ever feel like you can't control it?
that pretty much sums up how i'm feeling today. the holidays are bittersweet this year. bitter and cruel because this will be the first christmas without my uncle david to tell stories and make me laugh and explain to me that he skinned a snake to make his boots. grammie won't be sending me a card meant for a three year old that has a ridiculous rhyme and teddy bear theme. the holidays will be sweet and gentle, because my family will be there as support- something we don't usually feel the need to do. is it bad that i miss my uncle, the one that i only saw once or twice a year, more than my own grandmother? is it bad that i'll miss his silly stories more than i'll miss her drawings? i can't help the way i feel, but are these feelings right? are they harsh? are they cruel? am i over analyzing? do i think too much? do i think enough? can the answers to these questions ever be found? are they worth answering? am i over thinking again?
to be honest, i'm feeling surreal. i can't believe this, is it true?

on a lighter note, i baked cookies all day with my aunt, mom, and three crazy 20-some-odd cousins. oh and i can't forget about my little cousin, age 4. oh boy, she's a cutie. she loves to dance and she has the cutest laugh in the world. we played my little ponies and strawberry shortcake. we colored a picture of hello kitty's sister mimmy and her mom and dad too. it was pretty fun. me and my older cousins are starting a punk rock bluegrass band, apparently, we're going to cover songs from the 80's and do christmas songs of all sorts. sounds like fun, don't you think? we're so cracked out, i don't know whats wrong with all of us. holy crap, i love my family.
so many emotions wrapped up into one day...
so tell me, am i right side up or upside down?