so i feel like everytime i tell myself im going to start blogging, i dont. somethings wrong with that. i really need to work on it. but whatever i guess thats not really the point. i watched The Pursuit of Happyness yesterday and its probably the saddest movie i've ever seen. it really made me think about my life and has made me thankful for all that i have. i just want to take a moment to reflect on all the good things i've been blessed with: a home, a family, friends, a wonderful boyfriend, clothes, food, books, the chance to see some of my favorite bands multiple times, going out to eat. there are so many things i take for granted everyday. it makes me sad to see myself going out and spending money frivilously when i know that there are others who scrounge to pay for each meal. im so thankful that i dont have to do that.
i found out the reason that you spell happiness "h-a-p-p-i-n-e-s-s" instead of "h-a-p-p-y-n-e-s-s." the second one has a "y" in it. which can mean why, as in why do i deserve happyness? or why should i strive for happyness? the spelling with a y leaves room for questions. when you finally reach happyness, you can still ask "why?" when you spell happiness the correct way, there is no questioning. there is a "i" as in I do deserve happiness or I finally have reached that point in my life where happiness is real. happiness makes the long journey all worth while.
i think i have finally found my happiness. depression and i seemed to go hand in hand for the past few months but things are finally looking up. im realizing that im not so alone. there are some people that care and those are the ones who really count. i have my friends, i have my boyfriend, i have my mom and sister. those are the people who are there no matter what and those are the people i will cherish always. im slowly learning how to learn from my mistakes. its one of the hardest things for me, but im getting there. im learning to not let other people hurt me and learning how to ignore the things that people say that get to me. slowly but surely im letting go of all the bad things that once controlled me. im learning how to have fun again. im learning how to be myself and not give a damn about what people think.
i am crazy; i am wild. i am ridiculous; i am silly. i am rude; i am obnoxious. i am no longer sad; i've found true happiness.