Real Pain For My Sham Friends
so i want everyone to know i really suck at blogging, not even once a month. im going try to start doing this at least once a week. its good for the mind. so basically, my life has been heading in an awful direction for the past month. all my friends have decided they are too cool to hang with the "scene" kid. i dont fit in anywhere anymore. i dont drink or smoke so i cant hang with the other "loners." i dont wear clothes from abercrombie and fitch so i dont fit in with my old friends. ever since i found me, i seem to have lost everyone else. ironic? i finally decided who i am and what makes me but no one can seem to accept it. i've always said it doesnt matter what people think but it was a lie. every day i lose someone that i thought i could trust and it kills me. its gotten to the point where i dont want to wake up in the morning. i dont have the urge to hang out with friends. i dont want to be around people. i've been reduced to utter desolation. every friend i have has turned their back. and sadly, im becoming complacent in that. i dont know what to do with myself anymore. a couple weekends ago, anything to get me out of this life sounded good. if it wasnt for my mom and the one friend i can trust (she knows who she is) i dont know if i would be able to survive. she has saved me from myself and she has no idea. although i have lost so many people lately, she has stuck by me. our friendship has grown through this and that is the only thing in my life i am thankful for right about now. as for the rest of my "friends" as much as it hurts me to say this- fuck them. i dont need them. i have all i need in my very best friend.